she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
