yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
