Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
