Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The struggles of a small town man whore
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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