Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
