Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
no, he came in my armpit
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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