if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
