even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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