Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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