Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
