dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize