ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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