dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
