I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
