That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
why is half of my head shaved?
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