I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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