Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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