hotel room ftw
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
