I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
