did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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