it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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