and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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