So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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