I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
