I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
