why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
