she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
