i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
