I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
