Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
