You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
