His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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