I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
