I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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