We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
