Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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