I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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