Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
