You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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