DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm passing your future prison.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
