I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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