Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
