i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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