No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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