i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
