shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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