You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
