Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
