I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
