Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
