Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
