omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
