What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
