i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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