What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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