I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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