her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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