Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
