i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
