She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
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