it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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