never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I will be naked everywhere
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
