It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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