I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
